Night that Hurt me and the Night I wont forget
by DarthRhi
Summary: Rated M for Rape, Language, GokuxSanzo yaoi. Goku doesnt really have love life, but when it comes to Sanzo he'll do anything. What happens when Sanzo hears that Goku's been raped? Will he break down, or be rude about it?
1. Part 1: The Night I want to Forget

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki

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I really don't have a love life, considering the fact I look as If a child to many. To be honest I'm not interested in deep relationships, only Sanzo. Ever since that day he held out his hand to me, I knew he would be the one that I would trust. Sure I trust Hakkai and maybe Gojyo, but Sanzo is whom I can trust with secrets and everything. I would do anything for Sanzo, I would risk my life just for him, and he saved me from that prison. And my relationship grows stronger practically everyday, sure he hits me and calls me names, but that makes me love him even more. I hide my true feelings for Sanzo, and I'm sure the kappa doesn't even notice. Considering Gojyo been around with the ladies and knows when people are in love or not. He probably thinks I see Sanzo as a hero and not what I want him to be.

I just wish one day I have the courage to tell Sanzo those three words, but I'm afraid he'll ignore me for life. Which I doubt, but I can see it now. I tell him and he tells me "You only do because you're a child and don't understand true love". Makes me sad to think that but I could be wrong yet I'm afraid to say anything.

As I said I would tell Sanzo mostly all my secrets, well once a man raped me, lucky me right. And no one suspected a thing, which is amazing! Usually Gojyo wants to know what's wrong with me and stuff. But nothing was said...

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It was a cold night I went out for a walk since Gojyo and Sanzo were bickering and I didn't feel like listening to it. I was still hungry so wanted something to eat and Hakkai was nice enough to give me some money. It was night and hardly anyone was out, and past the bar I went until I heard someone call out to me. I go back and I see this tall buff man wearing tight pants and a tight black t-shirt. His eyes were dark green and had short brown hair, it was all spiked up.

"Why are you walking the streets at this time of night, kid?" He asked as he dropped his cigarette and put it out with his shoe.

"I'm not a kid, and I'm just getting food." I saw a smirk go across his face.

He came closer and I realized how huge he actually was, I was an ant compare to him. I backed away but he grabbed my arm and pulled me inside. I tried to get away but compare to him, my arm would have been snapped liked a twig. Upstairs we went he threw me into a small room, he locked the door and picked up some rope. He tied my arms behind my back and stripped me. I was scared, I would have kicked him in his face but he tied my legs up knowing I would have fought him.

Down my body went his hands to my you-know-what, he strokes it and smirks at me. At that moment I knew I should have just ignored him, but now I'm here he needs to do this quick. Off his tight pants went showing his erection, I just to move but my body refused. He sat me to my knees and had it hang in my face, it was huge and I had to and I did I yelled at him, "Get that away from me you prick!"

"I try to move but my legs hurt from the rope, he grabbed my head and tilt it back. He shoved his into my mouth, "Suck it little bitch!"

I closed my eyes and didn't move my body at all; I thought maybe if I didn't he would take it out. It didn't happen I couldn't breathe and if sucking his would help me breathe a little I had to. So I sucked it, I felt like crying because I thought of Sanzo. What would Sanzo think of me? A little bitch as this man had called me?

He pulls it out and shook his head, because he saw I started to cry. He took some more rope and put tied it around my mouth and head, he didn't want to here me cry or scream or something. I felt his down by mine, I knew what was next. He pushed my tied legs up in the air and thrusts into me hard, "Your tight little bitch, this your first time?"

I cried more from the pain and the pain I would feel after when I face my friends especially Sanzo. The man turned me over to my hands and knees and thrusts into me the hardest he could, when he finally finished he left me there bleeding and tied up. When the door closed I suddenly got the strength to sit up and find a knife to cut the rope. I put my clothes back on and left the bar barely able to walk. I walked backed to the hotel feeling ashamed; I entered our room and saw everyone was asleep. Good I thought, its best that they didn't asked what happened. I flopped down on the bed, and realized Sanzo's bed was next to mine. Then I cried my heart out, I failed Sanzo by being raped. I failed only because I loved him and I felt like I cheated on him or something. Even though we weren't together I still felt it.

That next morning I acted as If nothing happened, no one asked where I went or ate. And I was ashamed so I didn't bring myself to tell anyone not even Sanzo.

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After that night I lost complete courage to tell Sanzo those three little words, before I almost did but now I cannot say a word to him related to love. I think someday I'll snap and tell everyone I was raped and I love Sanzo. And I'm afraid it will happen soon considering I cry every night because of it.

--

DarthRhi


	2. Part 2: When I Confessed

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki.

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We were in the jeep I knew I had a sad face on, but wouldn't you be sad after being raped? Gojyo looked at my and poked me in the head, "Hey monkey, what's wrong with you?"

I gave the kappa a small smile, "Nothing, just a little tired."

"Oh, well don't stay out late like last night." The kappa looked at the passing scenery; luckily he did because I started to get teary eyed.

I wiped my eyes and looked at the rearview mirror to see Sanzo looking right at me through it. I looked away immediately being ashamed to what happened, I felt as If it was my fault. Maybe If I fought back it wouldn't have happened! Maybe if I didn't talk to that guy it wouldn't have happened! Maybe If I didn't leave the hotel room to eat it wouldn't have happened! I slammed my fist against my thigh, Gojyo looks over at me confused, "You ok monkey?"

I nodded I didn't want to look at anyone, the kappa puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me in, "You sure? I mean your not complaining about being hungry. And you just hit yourself? What's up monkey?"

I pushed the kappa away, its nothing..."

The kappa was going to say something but Hakkai slammed the brakes interrupting the kappa.

"We have company guys." Hakkai sighed and we all got out of the Jeep.

I called out my Nyoi-bo and off we went and fought the huge pack of youkai. I saw a youkai charge after me he looked like the guy who raped me. I screamed and down I went being punched in the face. Gojyo ran to me after slicing the youkai up, he sad me up and looked at me worried.

"What the hell was that Goku?" Sanzo had his arms crossed and wanted an answer for my actions.

"What do you mean?" I rubbed my cheek looking at the ground.

The monk grabbed by the hair and brought me to my feet, "Why did you scream and why did you get hit?"

I didn't look at him, I looked at his Sutra and sighed, "I don't know..."

"Goku...are you sure everything is alright?" Hakkai had a concerned tone in his voice.

I nodded, but the monk hit me in the head anyway, "You're not ok stupid monkey!"

"Leave me...alone..."I stared at the ground.

The friendly youkai walked up to me and put a hand on my shoulder, "Goku..."

"For crying out loud! What the hell is wrong stupid?" The monk was impatient.

"Hey ease up Sanzo." Gojyo got up and walked over to me.

"Don't tell me what to do kappa!" The monk was furious; he walked over to me pushes the two away and lifted my head up so I would have to make eye contact.

"Answer me monkey, what the hell is wrong with you?" His eyes showed concern, was he worried that was acting strange?

"Its nothing..." I tried to look away.

"Don't you look away! Come on Goku tell me what's wrong, you've been strange since last night." His voice and words made me break down.

I suddenly started to cry without notice, the three looked at me worried. Sanzo backed away a little as Hakkai put a hand on my shoulder, "Goku...did something happen last night?"

I nodded my head wiping the tears and taking deep breaths. The green-eyed youkai frowns, "What happened?"

Sanzo shook his head, "Tch, probably lost a meat bun that's all."

Gojyo looked at Sanzo as If his was angry with him, I think the kappa knew it wasn't something that stupid. But yet again food is something I get upset about but Sanzo was being a jerk.

I clenched my fist, "It wasn't that..."

"Then what was it? You lost the money for your food and never got food?" The monk smirks, he was being a total ass I couldn't believe I loved him.

I shook my head, "It wasn't that...either..." I sniffed and wiped my eyes again.

"Then what was so bad that is making you cry like a baby?" The monk looked angry he doesn't care much for crybabies.

Cry like a baby made me snap, "I'm not a baby! Wouldn't you cry too If you were raped last night by a man!"

Everyone froze, Hakkai removed his hand from my shoulder he was shocked with the other two. I looked at Sanzo he was shaking his head, "Why did you let yourself get raped Goku?"

"Why! I couldn't fight him! He was huge!" I was yelling now.

"Huge where Goku? In his pants?" You would think Gojyo would say something like that but it was the monk. The kappa and youkai were still shocked.

"No! He was bigger and stronger than me! What am I suppose to do?" I looked at Gojyo he was pale, why is he pale I thought.

"You're supposed to be strong stupid! Why didn't you fight back?" The monk was yelling too.

"How could I fight back when he tied me up!" I looked at Sanzo then back at the kappa who turned around.

"Oh so it was bondage? Did you enjoy that?" The monk was about the break to screaming at me.

"I hated every minute ass-wipe!" I looked at the monk the lines between his eyes were deep.

"Did you at least taste him? And did he taste good?" The monk was breaking me down with these comments.

I was screaming now, "Yes he said suck him!" But I didn't! And he called me a little bitch!"

"Now I know it all! He was right you little bitch!" The monk's angered expression disappeared he looked upset.

I didn't care he did it he called me a little bitch! All hell would have broke loose, but it didn't because Gojyo was on his knees throwing up. Hakkai ran over to him worried, "Gojyo! Are you alight."

The kappa nods, "Yea sorry...these details were too much."

The kappa walked over to me and put a hand on my shoulder, "Goku, it isn't your fault that you were raped by a perverted freak. I'm sure you tried your best to fight back."

I was amazed the kappa didn't say anything perverted or anything. I nodded and looked at Sanzo. He was looking at the ground, I'd bet he thought he said too much and was ashamed at himself. Good I thought, he made it sound like I enjoyed being raped.

That night Sanzo had his own room, and I shared a room with Gojyo and Hakkai.

"Goku you sure you want us with you? I mean aren't you afraid of men?" The kappa never said a thing mean to me today and it was a nice change.

I shook my head, "I can trust you guys, and anyway I might have a nightmare and I need someone to be here with me."

Hakkai nods and smiles, "We're glad you can trust us, but what about Sanzo? Aren't you going to fix things?"

I shrugged, "I'll try tomorrow...but right now I'm tired."

ojyo laid down, "Well goodnight Goku...Hakkai."

"You too Gojyo, and Goku if you need anything just wake us up." Hakkai laid down and I laid in between them.

I fell asleep quickly, not knowing If I would dream of last night.

--

Darth Rhi


	3. Part 3: Forgive me?

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki.

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I had a dream, of that previous night of me being raped. In the dream I didn't see the rapist face, and he was moaning a lot. I felt the pain again when he thrusts into me. It was like it was happening again. He finally finished I looked at him and to my surprised it was Sanzo.

Suddenly I woke up, I sat there breathing deeply I couldn't believe that I dreamed Sanzo raped me. They say dreams usual tell you something or it was the future. I was sure Sanzo wouldn't rape me but still I became scared. I shook Gojyo to awake him, "Gojyo...Gojyo wake up! Please..."

The kappa groaned and looked up at me, "What is it Goku?"

"I had a nightmare...and...it was about..." The kappa sat up and put a hand on my head. "You don't have to say it monkey...its still fresh in your mind it'll go away."

"I know but it was Sanzo! Sanzo was raping me!" My voice sounded if I were going to cry.

The kappa looked shocked, "Its probably because Sanzo said those things. I'm sure Sanzo wont rape you monkey."

I nodded, I knew Sanzo, and he would never hurt me that way and besides Gojyo was right. I probably dreamed that since Sanzo said those things about me being raped.

"Goku maybe you sure go talk to Sanzo right now. Or you wont be able to sleep..." Gojyo was concerned or something, I've never seen him like this. He probably feels bad about what happened, I'm sure right after I make up with Sanzo he'll call me stupid monkey again.

I nodded, "But it's late..."

The kappa laughs a little, "Who cares? The monk needs to be awaken sometimes, he was an ass you need to go make up with him."

"I'm afraid...I'll end up telling him..." I thought about Sanzo calling me a child because I would tell him I loved him.

"Telling him what Goku?" The kappa was curious and I kind of let him know I kept a secret so I couldn't keep it a secret anymore.

"I love him...and I'm afraid he'll push me away and say I don't understand true love because I'm only a child." I looked down at the bed ashamed for loving him.

"You're right he will say that, but did you see his face before I threw up? He was upset because he called you names and said rude things. I'm sure he'll understand." The kappa looked at me.

I nodded and looked at him, "Yea but would you think its strange that I tell him after I get r-"

"Don't say it..." The kappa looked away. "You're bringing yourself down to the level as a helpless child. And yea it is strange but loving him might help you heal the wound."

I nodded, "If I get Sanzo's love back then I'll be able to forget."

The kappa looked at me again and I thought a smirk came across his face but it was dark so who knows, "You'll never be able to forget but If Sanzo does he will help you forget. Unless you make a sweet memory tonight."

"Sweet memory? Are you meaning me and him have s-" the kappa put his hand on my mouth and pull me in and whispered into my ear, "Yes that...it'll undo the things that happened to you."

I felt as If I were blushing but he was right, maybe Sanzo could undo the things that happened. No I was sure, "Thanks Gojyo..." I got out of bed and left the room.

I went to Sanzo's room, he sat there on his bed staring at me as I came in. I walked in front of him, he gave me a look as If he was angry with me. "Sanzo...I'm s-"

"No...you don't have to apologize for anything." He got up and walked over to the window and stared out it. "The truth is I was worried, but it got to my head and that's why I kept asking and making it sound as If you wanted to be raped."

I walked up behind him seeing his reflection in the window look at me, "Sanzo...I thought it over and I forgive you. I only can because I love you."

Sanzo shook his head, "I understand you might think that because I saved you, but you're too young to understand true love."

I knew it! I knew he would tell me, "No I'm sure you're the one I love Sanzo."

He for sure saw the look I had, it showed I wasn't lying or kidding around. Sanzo sighs and turns around to me and he kissed me.

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Ha-ha! Lots of good stuff in next chapter!

DarthRhi


	4. Part 4: The night I will always Remember

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki.

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The kiss, it was warm, Sanzo's lips were soft which amazed me because he isn't really a soft guy. I smelt alcohol, he must have been drinking trying to forget earlier today. I broke the kiss and looked at him, "Sanzo...you've been drinking."

"It was only a few beers, I'm not drunk. Trust me..." His eyes showed the truth but I couldn't believe it.

"Sanzo do you love me?" I wanted to know badly, for all I know he would be lying about not being drunk.

"If I didn't I wouldn't feel so bad about calling you names...I was worried! And upset that you were raped." He hugged me, I had to believe but Sanzo isn't like this. He's completely different, why?

"Sanzo...why are you acting like this?" I pushed away and looked up at him he frowned.

"Goku...I love you. And I'm sorry If I'm all weird...its just I feel bad. I know I can't fix what happened but let me help. If loving me means you'll be the same monkey I knew then so be it."

"Gojyo said to make a sweet memory tonight...he said it would undo what happened." I saw him roll his eyes.

"Tch stupid perverted kappa...but..." Sanzo sat down on the bed. "If you want to believe him then do so."

I walked over to him, "Sanzo...will you help me forget by making me remember something good."

Sanzo sighs, "You want to have sex right?"

I blushed, then looked down, "Y-yes...I love you and I want to love you without remember that man who raped me. Please Sanzo?"

He put me on the bed and kissed me, he broke it after a few moments and looked at me, "It wont be fair if you think of him if you're with me."

He kissed me again and as he did he starts to removes my clothes. His hands were cold against my skin, after removed my clothes he removed his. I watched him, I knew I was blushing like crazy. Sanzo has a beautiful body, everything was perfect and I loved it. He lightly pushes me onto my back, there he was on top of me looking at me.

All it made me think about was the nightmare I had, and considering my rapist was huge Sanzo was big compare to me. I started to cry, Sanzo looked confused and put his hand on my cheek, "Goku what's wrong?"

I sniffed, "I'm sorry Sanzo...but I didn't tell you I had a nightmare about me being raped."

He stroked my hair, "That's why Ill make it better..."

I shook my head, "No instead of the guy who raped me it was you Sanzo, and you were my rapist in my dream."

He got off of me, he looked shocked, "I see...but now that you know we were going to do it...you still cry?"

I wiped my eyes, "But I want this to happen..."

He nodded and sat me up, "I think I get it, your size makes you like a child. And when being raped you were useless, and you may still think your a helpless kid. You get what I'm saying."

I nodded knowing where he was going with it, "But Sanzo...I..."

"You be on top..." He looked me resurring everything would be ok. "You may think you are helpless form your size, so maybe if you were on top it would help you enjoy this."

I nodded, he laid down and pulled me on top of him. He was right, maybe it was because I could hardly see anything since a bigger man is blocking your view. He pulled me in and our lips met, he rubbed my back with his cold hands. I felt his erection against my skin, he sat up with me in his lap and kissed my neck. I felt myself getting hard, his soft lips against my skin and those cold hands rubbing my back. I grabbed his erection and stroked it, he moaned softly in my ear. I laid him down and put his legs on my shoulders and I thrust into him. He moaned my name softly, that got me more excited and I thrust harder now rocking the bed a little.

I went harder and faster into him, my body started to burn and I leaned in and kissed Sanzo. He put one hand on my cheek it was warm now, I guess his body was burning also. I knew I had to finish so I thrust harder and faster. By now I think Hakkai and Gojyo were awake from the banging of the headboard against the wall. Not like I cared I was enjoy this moment, I positioned Sanzo on all fours as I got behind and thrust into him again. He held onto the headboard moaning my name loudly.

Sweat covered his back, I too were sweating from this fun. Finally I we both were at our climax and we released, me filling Sanzo and him making a mess on the bed. I removed myself and fell to my back panting, Sanzo laid down next to me also panting, "Was...that something to remember?"

I smiled and hugged him, "I love you Sanzo..."

He hugged me back, "I love you too..."

--

After that Gojyo joked about the banging of the headboard and the moans from that night. But I haven't forgotten about being rasped but it was like it never happened. My love life is with Sanzo and only Sanzo.

I'm so happy to be with the one I love now...

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Thanks for reading! Please Review! First Time making a graphic story...eheheh

DarthRhi


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